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Love Hacks from Technical Dater

melindaherndon

#TechnicalDater offers pro tips on finding the love of your life

Confessions of a technical dater

Okay, u may ask what actions define a technical dater and I will very happily elaborate below, but first I would like to share the hows and whys related to my forensic approach to dating.

I came from a family where most every relative was married in their teens, pushing a baby carriage in their teens (most-times the latter preceded the former) & roughly half of them were signing divorce papers in their 20’s.

How could this be, you may ask.  I grew up on a virtual compound devoid of social and cultural entertainment options.  Heck-there wasn’t even cable TV.  So, well, er-u can guess what everyone was doing for fun.

This had me pretty nervous about my fate and I decided to make a strong plan to reduce the likelihood that this destiny was contagious.

So I became a technical dater. 

Definition: One who does not date recreationally.  Potential dates are pre-screened carefully to reduce wasted time and carefully cross examined upon the first engagement, which must be time defined and brief in nature and allow the chance for daylight examination of the candidate in a mutually agreed upon public place.  Yeah- I was what some might describe as a controlling bitch…(spoiler alert-still am).

I really never understood recreational dating in the first place.  My grandmother made me date some child who was interested in me whilst I was busy shamelessly whooping her 65 year old bowler’s butt.  This “child” was 19 years old.  I was 17.  He took me to the beach.  Plunked me down and went off with his guy friends to get some sucker to buy them beer.  That was not my thing so I watched in horror as his idea of showing off was chucking a rock at a streetlamp to break the glass.   I told him the date was over and paid around $100 (when that meant something) to take a taxi to my suburban home.

The result: No more “hey, you’re cute do u wanna go out” nonsense for me.  I started doing old school tinder dating (which was letters and photos mailed to po boxes) and when my dating pool wasn’t big enough for my picky tastes-I started my own dating company at the age of 21.  Selective Singles.  Of course I skimmed the cream for my friends and myself.  Yes, haven’t I already established that I am horrible?

Anyhow, after dating a few trillion times, I had the thing down to a science and my list of wants became very specific.  I realized I fit best with a man who would never question a woman’s strength, so I needed a non-mommy’s boy who was raised by an independent woman.  Probably divorced.  Probably he would be a youngest or an only child or at the least, the only boy in the family.  Yup-stuff like that meant that there was a 10% or less chance that there would even be a date…but at the end of a decade, I had dated about that percentage of North America.

My other musts were much less like CV items.  It was finding a man with a sense of self.  Somebody who did not need to fit in and could form his own opinions based on facts and retain an open mind to revisiting those beliefs if a good debate could persuade him to think otherwise.  Now that is where the air becomes really thin.

Once I had a live one on the hook, I waited for ten dates to have sex.  Two reasons for this: I didn’t want to waste time with the wrong person just because we had a physical connection.  Secondly, why the HECK would anyone voluntarily surrender the amazing anticipatory euphoria that comes during this time of waiting?  I mean why trade a sparkler for a firework show due to impatience?  Too, this was my defacto #marshmallowexperiment.  If u don’t know what that is, please google it…it is VERY important to find a mate with impulse control.

Now, not everyone is going to be interested in the things that I valued and some may find enjoyment in dating and having dalliances with virtual strangers…but for my money, I always had much more fun with familiar friends in shared activities & re the latter, I could always sate my own appetite.

I have another blog on this that goes into greater detail: https://coafse.com/passions for anyone seeking to crawl further down the rabbit hole with me.  So, if u care about finding your best friend, you’re gonna have to spend a little more time on this goal than u do in the manicurist’s chair…but having a strong filter and not getting stuck is a giant time hack.

As with every goal.  Usually the end result becomes secondary to the changes that u see in yourself whilst u r striving towards it.  U will learn what u like in a potential mate.  U will learn that the truth can be delivered in a kind way and it is always the best policy…& so much more.

Love, #COAFSE

Chandelier Story

melindaherndon

aka: #ChandelierStory illustrates that we get what we focus on from life

Once I bought a red car.  Before that day, I hadn’t really noticed red cars but suddenly the freeways were dominated by them…then came the chandelier.

About a year into living with my future husband, and at a hard time in the USA, which was suffering from yet another recession, we found ourselves on the streets of downtown Glendale, stepping over the sleeping bags of the homeless (Yeah, it sucked.  Yeah, we bought a lot of blankets and energy bars that year).  Looking into the window of a lighting store that was going out of business, I saw the most beautiful Strauss Schonbek 32% leaded multi-tiered chandelier that my eyes had ever beheld.  Now, we were both working 12 hours days 7 days a week at a start up business and every dollar went back into that business so even thinking about a purchase like this was a complete pipe dream…and the fact that we lived in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment with ceilings about as high as the chandelier was tall was another noteworthy fact.  The problem was that once I had seen that chandelier, it became the object of my obsession.  I visualized working that damned business so hard and well that we would own a mansion with 30+ foot ceilings and we NEEDED that chandelier because it was going for 10% of its value and we would never pay the real price…even as future mansion dwellers.   Fearful of its possible purchase by somebody who didn’t truly and deeply love it, I shared my guilty obsession with my mate.

As u can imagine, there was a lot of laughter and sensible logic that followed…but that did not deter me.

I explained to him flatly that we NEEDED this chandelier for the future mansion that we would be owning and I would make all of the weird arrangements on how to build a virtual house around it to keep it pristine and I would personally rent a truck and beg my grandparents to give up their unused car spot in the garage to house it…but we NEEDED it and time was not our friend.

Taking it purely on faith (reason #812 that I love him)-we bought that damned chandelier…but here is where it gets weird. My OCD had not fully played out and I held a secret dream close to my chest.  See, the chandelier had a big,, beautiful cousin.  Same lines but even more monstrous.  There was about a 12’ drop and the beast was twice the price but beyond magnificent.

There were 3 days left until the store shuttered 4ever and I was growing desperate.  I considered doing a sneaky purchase but we were both completely invested in the business and it didn’t feel fair to extract capital without consensus.  I should probably explain that we both drove 10 year old cars and lived very modestly…so this was pretty much completely weird…(but I mean a $25,000 chandelier for $2,000…c’mon!)

I invited one of his best friends to dinner in our tiny city shoebox of an apartment.  This guy had moved out to an exclusive and revered gated community and hired a contractor to build him a mansion.  He was a sports loving, calloused hand giant of a man…but he was the only person I had ever met who lived in a mansion…so I had a plan.

James, of course, was chomping at the bit to share the story of how I was crazy and he was probably even crazier for going along with me.  His friend hooted and hollered in good spirit and then I broke it down for both of them…informing them that the wild ride was not quite over because we HAD to go to that store tomorrow directly after work and buy the big cousin chandelier.  I explained that our future mansion would be perfectly served by the graceful smaller chandelier that sat over our elegant dining room with its soaring 30’ ceilings…but we HAD to do something about the entry.  To my great surprise, this big, tough man was completely on my side and explained to James how very vital this purchase was.

3 years later, we were living in a small condo in that gated community for the purpose of me stalking every house with an unmowed lawn to leap upon an opportunity.  One day, we were driving down a steep street and at its base, was an architecturally stunning 3 story glass house that looked like no other.  My (now) husband turned to me and said: someday you are going to buy me a house like this…so I did.

The chandeliers had their perfect place to reside in the world and they had given me the motivation to create a laser like focus on building a successful business to produce that result.

Takeaway-NO DREAM IS TOO BIG.  Keep it in your heart and head and u will find yourself beating a path to its door.

Love #COAFSE

Say NO to #Manposters

melindaherndon

I’d like to preface this post by saying that I truly feel in my heart of hearts that nearly everyone is trying to do their best at all times. People are incredibly kind and good. We all have men in our lives who have done impossible things for our benefit.

I think about my grandfather. His nickname was “B” …short for baby.
He was the youngest in a sibling rich blended family. So yeah-he was confident and spoiled rotten. I think of him working into his 80’s so he could create opportunities for his family. He had a precision aerospace machine shop and he was hopeful that he could make a good living for his many grandchildren and great grandchildren by apprenticing them. I remember when my grandmother’s dementia kicked into high gear. She was unkind to those she love the most and that was her beloved husband “B” & myself. This happens often to the demented patient’s caregivers whom they’re the most bonded to…but it doesn’t make it any easier. “B” was so damned in love with her that none of this mattered. He just woke up every morning helped her out of bed helped her with food and medicine and hygiene with a constant love stricken grin directly below his nose. Because this is what men do.

After she passed away, he continued his daily visits to her gravesite for years. He would bring her flowers and sit on the plot of land and have a nice little conversation with her. As his own health declined in subsequent years-he refused any treatment claiming it might slow his much anticipated reunion with his beautiful bride.

After a severe stroke- he could no longer talk or walk…but he found a way to crawl from his bedroom to his back porch door and howl like an animal begging to get to his beloved wife’s gravesite for his daily visit. Shortly before his death he grabbed my hand firmly and loudly uttered “raw raw raw.” For those who don’t have the secret stroke decoder ring-that means “i love u.” Because that’s what men say.

So please believe me when I tell you that I am a lifelong fan of MEN.

That said-3% of their population consists of a hurtful and murderous contingent. These animals walk around in men’s likenesses only to take. They are the worst kind of thief and they’re not opposed to taking everything including life. It is the duty of all women to screen every man with whom they intend to share time. Social stalking, criminal background checks, credit checks, any and all due diligence is fair game.

You have probably heard many wonderful things about Australia and I will tell you that they’re all true. This is a very special place on earth but even a place with so much economic prosperity, devoid of guns and just generally inhabited by well behaved human beings sees one woman murdered by her partner every day. This just has to stop.

Besides screening-there are a couple of other things that will make a big difference-firstly and most importantly-you have a civic duty to report any crime that befalls you. It doesn’t matter how embarrassed you are it doesn’t matter how hurt or frightened you are…none of that matters. You need to timely report criminals. You owe that duty of care to your fellow women. If we start doing this-we can know the evil ones by their cv.

I have coined a word that could be used like a branding and understood by other women as shorthand. Let’s say you had the good sense to call it off when things started to get weird (TRUST your 6th sense-its the silent sum total of the more popular 5) & you have nothing to report-but you know that you were in the company of a bad human being. Let’s refer to them as #ManPosters (evil doers dressed in the skin of men. Imposter men.)

Don’t waste time with, or put yourself in harm’s way with a #manposter. Trust that quiet sense that’s whispering in your ear.

Love,
coafse

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Manposter

#TriumphOverAdversity

melindaherndon

& the Nobel Peace Prize goes to…Nadia Murad.

The ONLY story worth telling or hearing is Triumph over Adversity.  These stories create the energy that can help us to muster the strength to rise to meet our own challenges.  It would not be possible to find a more powerful example of this than the 2018 winner of this most meaningful prize.

So, life is going to come at us.  The circumstances that arise are not within our control…but something personal and powerful most certainly is: our reaction and our point of view.   The first question to ask yourself is whether u have a moral duty & the legal or physical ability to report the thing.  It is not fair to turn inward.  If there is a bad system or a bad person on the loose…this becomes the next woman’s problem and u r a willing accomplice if u do not at least attempt to shut it down.

The second thing to consider is this.  U r a tough person who has dealt with tough circumstances in a  brave and honorable way…or maybe u r so fresh in the world that this is not yet your CV…but let’s be real-its the CV u want, so it is time to become that person.  The event does not  limit u.  the event means that u are fire tested.   U have managed to endure tough stuff & u have taken the lessons from the event.  U have done your due diligence to protect others and look after your own physical and mental repair as needed and now it is time to give this event NO MORE POWER.  It is nothing more than a line item on your brilliant, courageous personal CV.  U r magnificent U.  U r NOT this isolated event.  U r much more colourful and weird and wild and interesting and WONDERFUL than the things that happen to u.  Actually, u r the SUM TOTAL of every life experience and every hard choice u have made.  U r a SHARK swimming gracefully towards bluer water.

Health

melindaherndon

So i had the super good fortune of almost dying in June of 2018.  Here is all the neato stuff that came of it:  I got to appreciate that a very strong and healthy body was able to mitigate against giant long term adverse effects of my septic shock/sepsis/tumor, ad nauseum.   Now, taking care of my health is very locked and loaded for me 4EVER.  Secondly, i got to shift from caregiver to care recipient with my husband at a critical and incredibly lucky time when he had just recently come off the “death watch” list for his own rare cancer diagnosis and treatment. Men are a little bit trickier to get to take ownership back of their lives after illness.  I think it is a love of mothering thing.  Thirdly, my  beloved, freshly graduated from university daughter with the idea that most young women are victims…well, she was the one who saved my life.  If u want to improve mother/daughter relations, i highly recommend having your girl chase the grim reaper away for u.

I should also remind u that i am not your normal health advocate who is living a perfectly shiny life.  as previously mentioned, i live a life of mild to moderate debauchery & “Yep, I did that.”  but…if u want to make occasional poor choices, u gotta have a pretty strong foundation of regularly good choices to stay healthy.

Health is the most important aspect to success.  We all have limiting factors.  Some more than others to be certain…but we MUST optimize health in order to live our best lives.

Here are the cornerstones to get the job done & how to mash them  together to save some time.  If u have psychological blocks to some of this stuff, we will start slow and build later into this blog.

  1. Work your BUTT off to live in a safe place.  If u don’t have safety, u don’t have anything.  U may have to  share a bathroom with 9 messy roommates that each have 3 cats.  No problem.  Do it anyhow.
  2. Do physical activity outdoors until u sweat for at least 30 minutes a day.
  3. Eat real food.  So, basically, when u go to the grocery store, u only care about fresh fruit, veggies, meat if u do meat (not processed meat).  Only  visit the other aisles for condiments, grains and legumes.  Lets say u are broke.  It is still cheaper to eat real food than junk.  Buy a 5 lb bag of potatoes, 3 dozen eggs, a 5lb bag of oranges, a condiment u like and a bag or two of green beans and iodine free salt.  this will cost u about $30 and give u enough energy calories and nutrition to go a week.  U gotta mix it up every week to introduce new nutrition but this is a starting point.  I will show u a zillion recipes for this stuff later on.  Your body needs real nutrition to create healthy cells.  If u r using food for entertainment right now-get over it.  that cheap fix is probably keeping u from having actual fun.
  4. Take a shower every day and keep hand sanitizer and my “live cootie free” necklace handy at all times to prevent against viral and bacterial infection.
  5. Carry mace and a loud horn.  Never forget that 1% of the male population is incarcerated.  That means that at least 1% of males walking around in Men’s bodies are actually lousy criminals willing to injure others.  Don’t be prey. Be a shark.
  6. If circumstances permit it, please try to learn judo or basic off balancing techniques.  The nice thing about freaking bad guys is that they are usually in motion and have one foot off the ground.  Scream, yell, mace ’em, kick em between the legs, throw them…do whatever the hell u want to a predator. Make them worry about the fact that u may be a shark.
  7. Work on your brain and strive to develop desired workplace skills.  This will give u the chance to pivot if u r in a stressful job because cortisol is the enemy of health.  PS: always be looking for job options.  Be in an aggressive growth and change mode.  This puts pressure on your employer to keep using u to your highest ability and financially rewarding u accordingly…those things help with stress.
  8. If u r making unhealthy choices, the most important first step is to take a vacation from  unhealthy friends.  It is the easiest way to start your own change journey.  Honestly, don’t even worry about substituting them right now by finding a new posse.   Just let this be “YOU” time.  It will take extra time to live healthily.  Groceries, meal prep, fitness, hygiene…these all take time.  Just fall a little bit in love with yourself for 21 days (the time it takes for a full cellular turnover.  the time it takes to lock in new habits with an entirely fresh body) & don’t worry about a social life.  Once u r living differently, u will be in a better spot to find meaningful new connections.
  9. Get on Meetup or the equivalent and join all groups that sound interesting to u.  Doesn’t matter if u are good at the stuff or not.  New members are golden and appreciated and if there is a skill level requirement, it will be disclosed up front.  Go bowl, play tennis, paddle a kayak.  try new stuff on for size because the cool thing is that these new friendships that u form will have a great extra benefit of building u active buddies.  Combining physical activities and friendship is a super easy time hack.  U can even see about sharing meal time prep chores etc…but active people who are interested in doing stuff are essential to a joyful life of discovery and adventure.
  10. Rinse and repeat as needed.

#ReleaseYourInnerShark aka: #WhatGlassCeiling

melindaherndon

release your inner shark

Did u know that we have 154 genomes in common with a species of shark?  I mean, isn’t that totally crazy that sharks are our distant biological cousins?So, to level the business playing field, COAFSE suggests that u let loose your inner shark:

  1. “Yep.  I probably did that.”  being offended is for novices.  Your inner shark doesn’t care what some guppy has to say about her.  Neither should u.  We spend a lot of time feeling offended and defending ourselves.  Time to stop.
  2. Grow more accustomed to failure.  sharks don’t worry too  much about mistakes.  When on the hunt, they make lots of miscalculations about what they can catch and what can fit in their mouths, etc.  Unlike many other life forms-they don’t let themselves get stuck trying to fix mistakes, they just move in a forward direction towards the next opportunity.  Time for us to do the same.
  3. Have sexual energy be part of your everyday life.  its sorta like the difference between playing checkers and chess.  When u have an awareness of your sexuality, u get a lot more fun and control and interestingness out of walking around or negotiating a deal or brainstorming in a meeting.  Sex is a natural point of awareness for every homosapien and women spend a lot of time  acting more like a deer and less like a shark in the boardroom.  Don’t be prey.  Just stay in control & get your way.  Added bonus: when u r aware of your sexual energy, u can shut down transgressions in a millisecond.  “Deer” just tend to pretend they didn’t hear it. Want to wake up your inner shark?  Buy my SharkBait.  Very nice stuff.  Warning: it’s addictive.
  4. Don’t worry about  rejection.  Business rejection is a blessing.  It helps u define the shape of the deal and if there is simply no deal to be had, it lets u know to move on to bluer water.
  5. Seize on opportunity.  When there is blood in the water-OPEN WIDE and feast as that business deal gets DONE.

we are sharks-feel us bite

#caring4others

melindaherndon

So, as u may have gathered-i know that women are absolutely amazing. I am fortunate to know heaps of lovely, kind, wonderful men…but c’mon-its all about women. Without us, humankind doesn’t exist. We take our jobs as women very seriously and frequently compromised our own financial futures and emotional well being to caretake others. Sometimes it requires that we voluntarily remove ourselves from the workplace to make it so. Oftentimes, the end result is that we are doing the work of two people and its time to get these nice men of ours to step up their game a bit…but since we know that the completely reliable way for change to occur is to change ourselves, here are 6 life hacks for helping to keep u sane as u make all the difference in the world to those u love.

  1. Just say “no” to the white noise.  Perhaps u are an expectant mother.  There will be a dim-witted Auntie who will be very happy to elaborate on her 30 hours of labor.  Just shut down the “dumb” quickly by sweetly asking: “Auntie, before u continue your story, consider whether or not it will be helpful or fear producing to me.”  This goes for all such…shall we loosely call it “advice”?  You will  have experts on broken bones and hernias and cancers before they have asked even a first question of u.  I’m gonna be honest here.  Your free time is about to go to zero.  U do not have time to humor thoughtless people.
  2. You are the caregiving general contractor.  There will be a lot of moving parts and your most important job is to be the project supervisor.  There will be doctors and tests and appointments and the person u r caregiving will be too sick, or young (or unborn)-so they will not be able to manage this most important bit.  Be meticulous with your record keeping.  I recommend setting up a different themed google calendar that u can share with stakeholders and also maintaining a spreadsheet with pertinent details.  Google sheets integrates nicely with all mobile devices.  Have all this information at hand for medical appointments.  Ask questions.  Research for ideas and best practices and options and be ready with those questions. Make your medical appointments a dialogue, not a monologue.
  3. Apologize to friends and loved ones in advance and solicit their help.  Explain that your time is ridiculously constrained and that will result in less interaction during this process…and ask if they can help.  Identify help that is actually useful to u and have a list of ideas for the folks best suited to the task of driving, meal prep, appointment setting, house chores, deadlines, baby sitting, dog walking…anything that lightens YOUR load. People who love u want to help.  It deepens your connections when u r able to both give AND receive from those whom u love.
  4. Take care of yourself FIRST.  Remember what  they tell u during air travel?  “Secure your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.”  If u are too ill to assist, u have done the person u are caregiving a grave injustice.  U r cherished and if u fall ill, your dependent loved one will hurt even more and have many needs unmet.  Besides all the other stuff u have to do every day, u must sleep for at least 6 hours and take a daily shower, get half an hour of outdoor physical activity and eat healthy foods.
  5. Know when the gig is over.  Kids get older and people recover.  You have to be mindful of this and start transitioning responsibilities back to the caregiven. Being a long term caregiver is weird and we create a schedule and habits that are hard to change once we r no longer needed in that capacity.  Notice increasing skills and strength and task it with parts of your list.  Kids can make their own lunches.  A recovering ill person can organize their own medications.  Start putting the ball back in their court.
  6. We’re all here for such a short time.  Sometimes we are preceded in death.  Sometimes the person we are caregiving will not recover.  For me, this is the ultimate reason to serve another.  This depth of connection is unmatched.  The bond that is developed between a true dependent who has chosen u through nature or nurture to care for them when they cannot do as much for themselves is the highest calling.  If we are very lucky, we will find that depth of love will be returned to us in our time of need.

Now, if we are to put this in the context of working and entrepreneurism…things will probably be moving more slowly for u at this time due to time constraints.  Just make sure to be honest with your employer about the level of contribution u can make.  People are beautiful and kind.  If u choose to communicate early instead of trying to do it all and possibly fumbling the ball for your employer, u give them a chance to sort out how to meet the needs of the company and respect your situation.  Be brave and tell the truth. If u r an entrepreneur- think of this as your “thinking time.” Think about ideas in play or ways to improve upon systems  u r witnessing.  There is so much boringness during these times of intense caregiving.  Your adrenal system is wiped or u r anxious beyond measure or u r waiting for somebody to wake up or to be called for an appointment.  Anyhow-just keep half and eye open to possibilities for entrepreneurship.  One product i am developing came to fruition under these circumstances.  Every time u ask yourself why things are done a certain way- u r looking at a possible idea that can make the process better, easier, cheaper, safer, faster for the next person to walk in your shoes.

#passionatelife

melindaherndon

The most important determinant to your happiness will be your selection of mate.   I’m not suggesting that a mate is essential for happiness-but if you’re going to pick one-choose well.

As women-we’re sort of better than men. We connect more deeply and more quickly and our compassion can let us get stuck. The big trick is going to be to cast a very big fishing net and shake it vigorously and here’s a real world example.

Of course you’re going to do the safe stuff of meeting during daylight hours in a public place. Of course you’re not gonna give up any private information in advance of the meeting and of course you’re going to come armed with five or six really important questions to ask. Try not to bread bread on this first  encounter-that’s why God invented Starbucks. Make some work related excuse for why you have to get back to the office within 20 minutes and make those 20 minutes count. Leave smalltalk for the small minded.

The questions will be personal and you will scare some people off if you’re asking things that are important to you. That’s a hack.  Let them run-far, far away.  That is essential for this technique of shaking the net vigorously.

So-what’s important to you? You’ve got to be a little bit tricky about the question so you can have a leg up on the liars. Don’t ask a question like is fidelity important to you.

Instead-come at it sideways. Ask for a story. Say you want to be entertained and you want to know about the trickiest thing that this candidate has ever pulled off.  Smile sweetly and ask them to regale you with a good story. You will know how their mind works based on the answer you get.  Was deceit deployed to prevail? Now u know more about them than they intended to share.

So-be ready with five things that are important to you and good sideways questions that can get you answers. So-I guess the logical next question is how do you get these fish in the net in the first place? By all means possible. I have friends that swears they would never do online dating and that’s absurd to me. You should do every kind of dating where the fish can be found in big numbers and you should be swiping left so often that your thumb bleeds. It’s not your job to be egalitarian in this process.  If you are using a low data app like tinder-you just have to trust your gut. If you don’t like big dogs and he’s pitching himself with the big dog let your thumb bleed.  If a significant other is cropped out of the photo-ditto.  If where target is in some uncomfortable state of undress and that’s not your thing-you know what to do. You should shoot for saying no at least 30 times to every yes.  It’s a good habit for dating in general, anyhow.

So let’s jump ahead a bit-you fill that net with fishies and if shake vigorously and you’ve had that 20 minute coffee and things went really well. What do you do next?

I recommend having some fun. You’ll probably hit on an activity that you both enjoy so why not do that? Don’t choose a movie or something that restricts talking.  Should be heaps of talking and the sharing of each other’s story.

Assuming you get through this without scaring each other off-rinse and repeat for about two years. The only other variable at this point for compatibility is going to be time. Time will produce experiences and circumstances that will show you both parts of a mate’s personality.

Sometimes I hear that dating is too time-consuming and hard and really some of the stuff that I am recommending doesn’t make it quite as hard…but this is the most important decision u can make in life in terms of personal happiness and professional success.  You cannot go out and slay dragons each day if u r coming home to a toad.  The big trick is not letting yourself form a connection with somebody who’s unlikely to be the love of your life.   Instead, make Starbucks shareholders very wealthy by having hundreds of 20 minute dates.  Ask the questions and trust your gut.  Remember that u r wasting the other person’s time as well if u r not madly smitten.  Do them a favor and let that little fishy escape the hook and find their own perfect mate.

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